Lessons of life.

Hell of day ! Its Deepawali. There is happiness in the air, festivity all around me, the city streets are decorated, fire crackers bursting everywhere, greetings, wishes and phone calls have been non stop all day and whats more I love this festival. I have been returning calls, making a few on my own, wishing everyone whom i met today "Happy Deepawali", i have been saying with as much enthusiasm if not more as a 2 year old, who knows only these two words for the day.

But the fact when I look at myself and contemplate is, that this is just not right. Although I have done exactly the same things I have been doing over the years, lighting the lamps, decorating my house, sweets, crackers etc but there is some thing drastically wrong. I have this plastic environ around me which offers everything that one theoretically requires to enjoying the festival and having fun. Its never been so grand for me. Whats missing is the genuine feeling of mutual happiness which one shares when one celebrates with family and/or friends. Till the time I was with my folks, I never realized that a festival can be without family. Being youngest it was the time when my siblings came home and family reunion of sorts took place.

Once I was in profession, there were friends all around, good ones, not so good ones but when it came to celebrations everyone came out and for that day/hour/minute that you were with them you thoroughly enjoyed. All said and done it was genuine affection and the feeling of togetherness never let you miss family.

Now that I am where I am, I realize the importance of friends in life. Its not only me who is feeling this and realizing it. I know a dozen of my colleagues whom I talked to today who would agree and feel the same. Some of them will own up, others shrug it off, but guys when I talked to you I got the vibes which tell me that the feeling is mutual.

So, whats positive about all this ? A lot i must say, life has its ways of teaching things, fortunately for me the lessons are coming my way early in life. People who genuinely feel for you and actually care for you always make you happy even if they might not be able to be around you always. A celebration need not be a grand setup, extravagant showoff, chocolaty words etc etc, it rather be a simple get together of people who care, even in the most adverse circumstances, and I think that would make me happy.

Where you are doesn't matter, what matters is whom you are with. If where you are has started giving you more joy as compared to whom you are around with then you have to wait till an event like this deepawali comes to you. I thank almighty that I am not waiting.

At the end, I dedicate this piece to my family and friends, who are not here with me tonight but whom I miss (no words to describe how much). I hope that never again will such feeling come to me.

Reverie - 22 May 2010

After joining the new assignment, life has taken drastic twists and turns for me. This forces me every now and then to look back at my life and for a change, plan for the future. Till now, I was taking life as it comes to me. When I look back today, there are no regrets. Thankfully, the decisions and steps taken by me at crucial times have worked out well.

I have realized that being in Army (or any other job) for a while now has made my vision for life very narrow. So engrossed/obsessed with themselves and their organization, are the Army officers that they ignore how much more the life has to offer. I had failed to understand that happiness or a happy ending is not becoming COAS, having countless riches, being famous or other materialistic things, rather it is being content with one self and be happy with what one has. Thus i feel, its just the right time that I got my posting and am now expanding my horizon and hence changing the way I think.

One of the biggest question one asks of himself is "What do I want out of my life ?". I might be doing a whole lot of things viz I did schooling, graduated, may be post graduated and am working now, but how do I want it all to end ? I seem to have found the answer to this question. May be the way I answer this question may change as I move forward, but the content shall always remain the same.

The reverie I witnessed today, that forced me to write this blog, tells me that when I am at the fag end of my life, I should be content with whatever I have and did. I want myself to be sitting on an easy chair besides a huge window, peeping through it, amazed as to why every day when I see through the same window, the world looks totally different. I see myself staring at the plants, trees, flowers, birds and remembering this day when it all began.

I see myself having a small piece of land in the hills of Kumaon, having pleasant climate and clouds all around me. There is this chill in the air and absolute silence. One can only hear the gushes wind swept pines in short intervals. I am having tea am charting out my plan for the day.

It is a beautiful cottage, it has all the things I will ever need. It has a small reading room full of books, a fully equipped kitchen, a drawing room where one wall if full of my photographic master pieces and the other having the photos of family and friends,a bed room, guest rooms, a small studio where I develop my own prints, a computer room cum study and a balcony covered with transparent roof. The entire cottage is wood paneled. I have all the modern amenities of life well catered for. Ohh !! I forgot there is a small but rich bar as well.

When I walk out to my balcony, I can see the entire area, which has plethora of flora and fauna. It has greenhouse sheds where the plants can survive. At the other end of the farm there is a equally majestic building which serves as the office and residential for the staff and the employees. The entire farm is spic and span. The plants I have are of a varied variety. There are flowers, medicinal plants, ornamental plants, cactus, rare plants and local selling plants. I then play some really slow and meaningful music and again sit back and start enjoying nature. All of a sudden mist comes up and surrounds the farm in a heavenly adobe. This prompts me to go out with my camera to a nearby hill top from where the view would be even better.

My better half who has been a spectator till now gets really annoyed with the idea of going out, again. But, being my persuasive best I persuade her to cook some breakfast real fast. Next few mins we are off, the ride till the hill top is sooo exhilarating. I have good music playing to set myself up for the day. We chit chat enroute and enjoy every minute of the drive. Once at our destination, I take out my camera and click some pictures. Then its time to put on my tent, I pitch it (by now I am an expert tent pitcher). Now it has started drizzling a bit and we get inside the tent and have our sandwiches and juice. Starting to get cold now, but each moment passing by is giving a feel of a life time. We sit there in the middle of no where, no one around us and intriguing beauty all around us.

We then decide to go back and rest. On our way back we are talking about how lucky we are to lead a life of this kind. And then I start thinking about the day when all this began, that day is today.

I must admit that whatever I saw felt soo nice and pleasing to me that I wanna take every step to reach that kind of end. What I realize is that if I don't start now and here I might never be there. What ever I do today onwards shall be a step towards whatever I have jotted down.

18 May 2010

Getting up at 0500 hrs and watching waves of thick mist striking glass window and suddenly precipitating was so entharlling for me that I kept sitting and watching it, until Sandeep (my helper) knocked the door twice before entering. He as usual was right on time with a tray of royally laid Darjeeling tea. I asked him "What do you think, should we shift here permanently "? His grin was a definite affirmation.

Got ready after tea. Pabitra was again prompt in reaching on time. He did his duty with utmost interest and perfection. It nags me when he calls for each and everything, but then I remind myself that he is just following orders, my orders. He called me and told me that he was waiting in the front lawn.